Saturday, January 11

Please use your inside voice

Lol my fan is so loud when I close the door I can't hear my parents screaming at each other.

I actually sort of think my dad may go through some sort of monthly issue like PMS but I don't think there's any sort of scientific reason behind his temperamental and anger management issues.  It's weird because he used to be a lot worse.  And when I say used to, I mean maybe around six years ago?  I mean recently we had a huge fight because I wanted to turn on the air conditioning and he said it's a waste of energy and basically said he would kill me at that very moment by punching me and he wouldn't even care about the consequences.

Literally I said to him, okay, the fuck is wrong with you?  Why are you being so crazy over the air conditioning...  And I slammed the door and then he rams into it trying to get in like a fucking maniac saying he's going to knock me dead.  I was like okay, kill me then (you idiot).  And then he's all like, "why you slam the door?!"  And I say, because I'm angry at you for not letting me turn on the air conditioning when my room is fucking what 35 degrees and I can't breathe, i.e. what we were just arguing about (idiot).  And he gets even more angry because he doesn't like my answer and I'm like, what, that's exactly why I slammed the door and I don't even give a fuck.

What's weird is that my mum was downstairs shouting for him to stop screaming, yet she didn't take the actual effort to come and stop him.  I mean, hello, he said he was going to murder your own daughter, what are you gonna do about it.  Obviously she'd rather I die than to come up and have him get angry at her as well.  So good luck dealing with the popo when they find a dead teenage girls body in your house that is your freaking daughter.

Anyway so right now I'm just chilling in the only place in my room that I can sit down on, my bed.  I was about to start planning my (very stressful) 19th birthday when I realised, oops, my bladder is almost full.  Not oops, I did not actually piss myself thanks.  So I opened my door and was surprised to hear my parents screaming at each other again in chinese.  As usual when I first hear them fight, my heart is like "uh oh," and I slowly freeze and try to listen.  Realise this, I am all the way upstairs, nearly on the other end of the house and they're in the kitchen.  What I mean by that, is their shouting is motherfucking loud.  All I can understand mostly is something about arms and hitting them, and maybe murder.  Sigh, just calm the fuck down.  My aunty is over as well so please, calm the fuck down.

So yeah I don't really know what they were arguing about.  I heard something about money and medication, maybe for my mum, or from my acne creams, I don't know.  I feel like they might be stressed over all the investment properties they've bought, which is quite a lot.  And I feel like they don't even really know what they're doing...

I dunno.  Every time I turn on the air conditioning because it's too hot in my room my mum's like, just come downstairs it's cooler.  First of all, everything I want is in my room.  If I'm at home I'm in my room (or the kitchen).  Secondly, why the hell would I want to hang around downstairs with you.  You stare at me, watch what I'm doing on my computer or phone, annoy me, and do gross things.

I could tell my dad was pissed even when I got home.  I had thought, er how can you be pissed already, what can you even pissed off about.  The only thing I can think of that I know about is that my aunty came over for dinner, but mum hadn't made dinner, and dad tried calling her but mum didn't pick up her phone because the screen was frozen.  Which to be honest, is a much too petty reason to be angry.  Why don't you just cook?  He was planning to just eat at our local japanese restaurant which has yummy eel, but mum was just like no, I'll cook fish and stuff, it's quick.  I think he might've gotten pissed then.

Also this event that I will describe to you pretty much confirms his jealousy of my meal freedom.  You see, one day mum made dinner, but I ate a mango instead.  And today, mum is making dinner, and I had a delicious pork roll instead, and some ice cream.  And today, my aunt was apparently eyeing the mangos but my dad told her that they were for me (lol).  He was very bitter about this.  Because mum then said to him, er she (my aunt) can eat them!  They're not all for me (me).  And he got pissy because my mum told him that he basically couldn't eat the mango the other day because it was for me.  I dunno this explanation is boring.  So maybe their argument stemmed from that.

But to be honest, I can't even be bothered trying to decipher why the fuck they're fighting because a lot of the times the things they scream over are fucking petty as fuck.  They can be so immature.

And what I also thought when I peed was that, this is why I'm like this.  I scream at them because they scream at each other, and they also used to scream at me.  Every teenager probably feels like this but it was fucking annoying when I used to (and sometimes still) fight with my parents and they don't even fucking listen to what you're actually saying, and this tends to lead to screaming.  Though the thing is, what I then thought in my puny brain, is that I can't blame them for how I am now.  When I was little you can blame them, because you don't know any better.  But the fact that I am aware and so conscious of this I have the power to be different a change.  I have my own mind and make my own decisions about how I want to be.

That's how I feel about complacent people.  I know I am lazy, that's not something I'm proud of or attribute to "just being me."  It's something that I want to change.  But people who are just complacent with their flaws that they know are fucking flaws and basically prevent them from achieving and succeeding and being the best they can be at life, are just fucking stupid.  Being hard working, and not lazy, is so important for just life.  Everything is hard and takes effort, you just have to realise this.  Anything easy is not worth doing.  It's only when it becomes difficult and you overcome obstacles that what you do is worthwhile.

So derp.

Sigh I have to clean my room it is actually a dump.  And I have so many new clothes and shoes to find a home for.  And I have to plan my birthday.  And I have to make facebook events.  And just life is a lot to do and it's hard.  I spent too much money today...

Anyway, no more complaining...

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

Friday, September 13

Trapped in the pantry (Friday the 13th)


So since I'm trapped inside a walk in pantry for god knows how long, I thought I'd blog. And yeah, I haven't blogged in a long time, but to be honest there hasn't really even been much to blog about, and also I just can't be bothered.

I was going to ask if I was weird to hide in the pantry when my mum came home unexpectedly with a guest while I was eating frozen bananas in the kitchen. Caught off guard. To the point, I guess it is weird, I didn't want to tweet about it cos it's too embarrassing so here I am, back on the blog. This isn't the first time I've been trapped here either. I'm pretty sure it was exactly the same situation as well, where I was sitting carefree devouring food in the kitchen when I suddenly here the turning of the keys in the door, the rattling of the metal door frame and the quick creek of the wooden door with the clanging of the chain. As soon as I heard it, my mind was racing, do I take the risk and stay in the kitchen in my bright pink robe and see if maybe it's just my mum, or make a dash for the pantry?

Well you know what I decided... I thought, I could take my embarrassing robe off, but I wasn't wearing a bra. I wish the kitchen was closer to the stairs so I could make a dash for my room, which I spend most of my time anyway. Convenience.

But instead it's on the far end, and so I had to take my frozen banana and run into the pantry.

Far out I can hear them talking about me, I knew this would happen. They're like, oh I'm not even bothered to ask her to come with us (on holiday to China) anymore, she's unhappy there and even the older one isn't happy! Well oh my god, mum is seriously such a baby sometimes. One time when we were all in Melbourne she started crying because she didn't want to go to yum cha or some shit like that. What the fuck.

Anyway, awks. She thinks I'm upstairs in my room or something but I'm not, I'm right here listening.
OH NO I NEED TO SNEEZE!!!! Quietly... Just sneezed three times. I think I've gone unnoticed.

What erks me is that even though if I were in my room it's highly likely I wouldn't be doing my philosophy assignment, but now I physically can't even if I wanted to! This is frustrating. Usually it's just my own procrastination that prevents (well I guess it's just me that prevents me) from doing my work. But now it's the fact that I'm stuck in the pantry with an empty bowl, my phone and a stool. There's not even food in the pantry, not that I'd eat it anyway (I'm on a diet). There's only hair dye, appliances and non-edible stuff.

Usually I'd be content surfing social media on my phone, not thinking it was that boring. But as soon as I closed the door on myself, I thought, "fuck, this is going to be boring". And that it is.

Now I'm sniffling, trying to quietly, because of the sneeze. Far out, they're just gossiping about shit. I don't really even know what they're talking about. Drink tea and go away already.

You may be wondering about the last time this happened to me. I feel like I've thought about that time, many a time. Just thinking how odd and weird it was. And now here I am again. Last time I don't think I even had my phone. Even if I had, I think I had a Nokia or something with no fun things on it. At least now the possibilities are broader with the iPhone... Last time it was my soon-to-be or maybe already uncle who came over to talk to my mum. I ran inside the pantry, trapped, and luckily there was some sort of fold out garden chair, and I sat on that. When he left I revealed myself to my mum, that I had been sitting in the pantry. Quite lol. I won't be doing that this time. Not really sure how I'll make my exit this time.

I feel sick. I want her to leave. I want to go back to my room, which by the way, in an act of procrastination, I've moved around. It took me maybe half an hour to rearrange a few things, my bed is facing the door now which makes me feel unsettled because the last time my bed was like that I had the most turmoiltuous dreams.

Eugh, I just heard the word diet. Shut the fuck up stop talking about me. Now they're whispering and talking about how I went to dinner on Tuesday. What the fuck, I think she thinks I have a boyfriend (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH THIS IS HILARIOUS!). Actually now I'm not sure if they are talking about me. Oh my god, I wish I wasn't here. She says I'm not confident, oh my god... This is so fucking weird. Please... I'm DEFINITELY not revealing myself now! But now I don't even know how to!! I hope they both just leave and go shopping.

Life...

I don't know what they're talking about again... So anyway, uni update, I got a credit for some film studies exercise but so sad, I was a mark off a distinction! I handed it in on time as well! But my philosophy assignment was due/is due at four but I'm going to incur (I think that's the right word) the two mark penalty because I don't even fucking know what the questions asking. I want to apply for special considerations but it's too late...

Lol I think they're talking about me being lazy about dinner. I don't think I am! I make my own shit, kind of, especially now I'm on a diet. Fuck I just want them to leave!!! I'm tired and don't want to deal with this shit.
Well what do you know, I guess this is my Friday the 13th unlucky luck. This is what I get for being a 'sceptic' about it. My friend was like, "Be careful guys! It's Friday the 13th!" And I thought, "Heh, whatever." Well look at me now. Feeling slightly vomity in the pantry with 20% battery and an assignment to do and having to hear crap said about me. At least I don't have a stomach ache (which I have been having a lot recently). Hopefully I haven't jinxed it.

Well, we'll see how this plays out. Looking at this bright screen in the dark makes me feel a bit nauseas.

See you on the other side (I'm definitely not wooing),
Just Another Woo Girl

Thursday, July 11

Lame update on what I've not been doing


So yes, it is winter break.  And I, the sad, sad being I've evolved into, has done nothing.  Nothing of interest really.  Well to maybe make my life seem more lively than it is, I can say that there is a slight chance I may be going to Melbourne before the break ends.  Yes, interstate, much excitement to be had there.  It's odd really, I visit Melbourne usually once a year?  My sister lives there, that's why.  Yet, to me it seems intolerably mediocre, the same as Sydney, but I used to argue that Sydney is much better.  I mean, Melbourne's always been characterised as the superior city, better in culture, cafes, food and entertainment.  I guess I haven't experienced that side of Melbourne.  And not to slight my sister, who thinks herself a true blue Melbourner, which I suppose she is; I don't really think she actually knows all the really cool places.  In fact, a few of my friends went there during the summer break, and their photos were amazing.  They went to St Kilda beach, I haven't even been there.  The only 'beach' I went to was Port Melbourne, which you could definitely say to be the equivalent of Brighton Le Sands in Sydney, which both, are not beaches.  At all.  They're definitely just bays...
Anyway, I've been sick for almost a week now.  I was bed ridden a few days.  It wasn't much of a change though.  I was sitting in my bed all the other days as well, just doing stuff on my computer.  When people ask me what I even do on the computer, I can barely answer that.  Vaguely, if I remember, I watch shows or movies, youtube, google stuff that I come across?  I don't really know.  I always have twitter open, and facebook too (not that I really like facebook).  Facebook is so...I can't even really express it.  It's a hole of nothingness.  I'm not sure what it's like for you, but I'd say it's similar to what people think of tumblr, but much more, bland, and mundane.  The reason is, I'm pretty sure, is that there was a phase in 2009 to 2010, where the layout of facebook changed and it made liking (or the old 'become a fan') much more easier.  So in that case, I had liked thousands of pages.  I literally mean thousands.  There was a tally before on the profile page.  So my newsfeed is just full of spam from all these pages I'd liked years ago, so irrelevant.  But some pages post funny photos or memes, which I click through endlessly.  Most I've seen before.  That really says how much crap I sift through...
Right now what I'm doing on the computer?  I've been obsessed with James Franco again.  I've got Franco's and James Dean's IMDB pages open constantly, and have been watching all the movies they're in.  James Dean only did three films before he tragically died, it makes me so sad.  (I really can't express it any other way, I am a five year old).  Watching The Office bloopers on YouTube.  Watching Chengman and Pewdiepie gaming videos and vlogs...  Exciting.
I really can't be bothered reporting all the really boring stuff I've been doing, so whatever.  I love watching James Franco's instagram videos, they are the best.  It's so odd.  Also have been watching interviews of James Franco.  I love the Esquire one with him and Dave.  Also, Inside the Actors Studio.  
Okay bye,
Just Another Woo Girl

Friday, June 28

In a state of oblivion


Am I angry right now? Annoyed? Nope, I’m none of those things. In fact, I feel just a bit like nothingness. I’m in one of those weird states where everything seems like it’s either moving really fast or really slow… I’m writing this on my phone and, I have to say that, it kinda sucks. I have to double space on my phone and it’s weird. And then I’m thinking, fuck, should’ve just made the complete effort to use my laptop which is thirty centimetres away from me. Oh maybe one plus is that it autocorrects or autospells when I can’t be bothered figuring out how to spell a word.
You know what, when I’m marking shit at work and I’m writing a comment at the end, oh man. I have to refrain myself from using words such as incorporate or unnecessary because I’m scared I will spell them wrong. And damn it I’m marking English! I always think its encorporate, but obviously that’s wrong since it just got underlined in red.
So wassup y’all. I just wanna make doe so I can go out and see all my friends. Big ass sigh. Mates went out on Wednesday, last night and were going to tonight (me only for drinks, but no one out of my friends are going anymore).
Let me just say, I have no problem, I’m not angry or annoyed. And don’t think I am just because I stated that I wasn’t. But I do feel bad because it’s my friends birthday. But obviously not bad enough to just go. Am I a bad person? Anyway, some may go but they’ll be going out to da clubz after and I can’t go (once again cos no cab moolah, I want to use an emoticon where my eyes are waterfalls of tears but…I’m trying to be slightly intellectual here, okay?).
Okay, what I really wanted to say from the beginning of that paragraph: I really have experienced the utter awkwardness of going to a party, or a hangout, where you’re friends, but you’re not close friends. I went to this party and yeah, none of my close group of friends were invited (oh my god so popular) and it was okay, but really, it kind of ended up being awks. Okay, maybe you’re supposed to just not feel awkward and pose in pictures, imposing on other people’s close group of friends pictures… Anyway, at one point in the night, I seriously was saying the same damn things and basically clinging on to people, it was so embarrassing. Oh Lordy lord.
Now of course, this is a little different cos they were more apart of all our groups, but still, the same concept applies. Yesterday I spent ten dollars on just junk food, it makes me sad. Oh man, I’m such a broke ass bitch. Sitting here in my bed, at 3:30pm, in some fat ass winter or ski jacket, oh man… Also I can’t get Miley’s new song out of my head since I watched her live performances on YouTube. I forgot what an actually good singer she is, and live as well. To be honest, Selena Gomez sucks live, so I suppose she also kinda just isn’t that great at singing then.
Whatevz.
Laterz,
Just Another Woo Girl

Monday, June 17

I met Harry Styles in the most amazing dream...again


So I haven't blogged in a while seeing as I'm extremely busy not studying for exams...  So today I had my first exam for anthropology, which as you know, I'll probably have failed anyway, and did today.  And last night, I was up till around one am just...looking at really vague revision slides that the lecturer made for the last week.  Kinda helped and kinda didn't, but turns out, I should give myself a bit more credit, some stuff I did listen to in tutorials did come in handy.  So with an early wake up call at 6:30am that I left till 7am (good job me) I feel asleep exhausted, and went to gain an eventful and blissfully euphoric six hours sleep...

And the dreaming begins...

Much alike any other dream I've had, this specific section was dreamt just before I woke up from a pressed bladder.  Anyway, rather than beginning with how amazing and overwhelmed I felt in my dream and when I woke up, I'll try to begin by recounting this epic love story...

So I was in the shopping centre, not sure which one, and I was with a friend, also not sure who.  Actually I think it might've been my sister...  Anyway, we are in the middle of turning the corner to go down the escalator when from the corner of my eye, I see this curly haired cute boy with hipster glasses on.  I'm like, oh my god, is that who I think it is?  I look at him, and he looks back at me.  I look at him half quizzically and he turns back to whatever he's doing and is trying to be inconspicuous.  I'm not quite sure, I think I say to my sister something like, "Oh my god, I think that's Harry Styles over there...!!!"  It's my last chance, as we turn and walk down I call out, "HARRY!!"  He turns and looks up at me!  It is him!!  It's Harry Styles!!  His effortless bespectacled disguise cannot fool me!  My life flashes before my eyes (okay well this is just author exaggeration, it could've happened!).  He shoots me this look as if he's saying, "Come now if you want to meet me!  Before everyone realises it's me and crowds me...", his eyebrows raised, eyes wide and neck jerked slightly forward.  So of course, I make my way hurriedly back to him!!

I'm somewhat swoop up to him and we embrace!  It's warm and longing, and my arms loop under his arms, around the back of his chest, hugging him so tight!  (Wow, sorry, I feel really lame writing like a fanfiction, but to be fair, this is a real dream I had last night!)  I say something like, "I love you so much!  This is the most amazing moment of my life!!"  Something really cheesy like that, that he hears all the time.  But to be honest, I don't think I even care.  I am euphoric, my heart is racing, it feels like it's going to burst from my chest and I can't stop smiling!!!

I had always thought about what I would say if I met Harry, and the others boys too, trying to think of something memorable, cool and interesting!  But then I realise, that the only reason why I'd want to say something like that is so I can spark up some sort of friendship, when in reality, it will never happen.  But then I tell myself again, you have to believe if you want to achieve!  Be positive and optimistic!  (Or it could be contrarily construed as naive and wishful).

Anyway, back to the dream!  In my dream, Harry was wearing a thin white tee with some sort of black calligraphic drawing on it...so loose yet form fitting, caressing his sexy body.  (Ultimate fanfiction moment).  He says something back to me like, "I love you too."  I don't know, I don't remember what he said to me in my dream, but I'm going to make myself believe it was something as amazing as that and that it really did happen (in my dream I mean, I suppose I could also be delusional and make myself believe it happened in real life, but that's just crazy).
I'm not sure what even happens, but then some people he knows or I know, or maybe even randoms come up to us (while we're having an intimate moment) and basically I end up taking a few pictures of Harry and some fans or friends.  I'm handing him his phone or something and we're standing close...and then I wake up.

Oh lord, when I woke up, it was 6:18am.  I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt!  The dream was so amazing, and incredible, and fabulously intimate I felt as though my heart would burst out of love!  Yet at the same time, I felt so incredibly sad that this may never happen, and I will never even get to experience this utterly epic sensation, it's unforgettable...  So basically, an overwhelming overload of euphoria and melancholy, as I have described many dreams and moments before...  Oh life.  What a hand you've dealt me.  What an amazing dream.  I wonder what will happen the next time I dream about Harry...just wondering makes me smile.

All my love,
Just Another Woo Girl

Saturday, June 8

Mould1001


So yes.  My room is currently the most messy it has ever been, to my recollection.  Now, it' not even just messy, it's actually disgusting.  I don't want to go into all the details because it will just gross you out and make you all think I am really disgusting and messy...  So anyway, as you would've known, the past few weeks (maybe not the most recent few) have been hectic with assignments.  Now, it's not even that I pull all-nighters consecutively before the due date, which would probably be more beneficial, but a single all-nighter before the day I hand it in, whether it's (not ever) on time or days/weeks after.  So yes, I had the phase with the tim tams.  Recently though, I haven't been doing that.  I think I may be put off on that for at least a few months.
I'd been drinking a lot of tea in an attempt to boost energy and caffeine levels to no avail.  And so, seeing as these past few weeks I've just given up, I had just left these mugs of half drunken tea in my room.  Fermenting, as you will.  To be honest I think they've been in my room for maybe two weeks.  And my room is strewn with my clothes because every morning I don't know what to wear.  I've worn this top this week already and I don't want to look like a dirty hoe who wears the same clothes everyday with obviously no time to wash them.
So anyway, they've just been sitting there.  And for some reason just now I decided to finally take them downstairs to the kitchen.  But before doing that I had a tiny peak inside...  EWWWWWWWW MOULD!!!!!!!!  EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my god it was excruciatingly cringeworthy!  Oh how I cringed!  I saw it and quickly put the lid back on.  As I'm writing this I am cringing, eughhHH!!!!!!  There were like black green circles of mould sitting on the top, and I think the tea had turned into some acidic translucent colour.  Most likely due to the soy milk in it.  Oh so gross.  At first when I looked in I thought it might've been the tea bag, but it was peaking out from two ends of the cup, and that was when I realised it was mould and shut it!
I'm not sure, but this might be the most disgusting experience of mould I have ever experienced!  Equalling this other time...
The other time was in probably year eight I think, when I was thirteen.  My mum used to pack me sandwiches for lunch and sometimes I wouldn't eat them because instead I'd buy something from the canteen.  Usually, one of my friends would be hungry and they'd end up eating my sandwich.  I think on this particular day, I forgot about it and I'd already arrived home from school, the sandwich still in my lunch box.  Of course I couldn't leave it there, otherwise my mum would've gotten me in trouble for not eating and also might've made me eat it then and there.  So I snuck it out of my back and stashed it in this massive plastic storage container I had with all these old books and girly files that you'd write in.  And then, I guess I forgot about it.
Sometime later, I don't really know how long, I opened this container for some reason and holy mother of god, how it stank of death.  Oh man, it smelt so bad, it was sour and strong, like an actual garbage dump.  I opened up the paper bag, and there was the sandwich.  Soooooooo grossssssssssssss.  All mouldy.  Not sure which is more gross, the mould growing on the sandwich or the mould floating on the tea.  Fuck.
Mould is like the one thing that is actively revolting.  It's not even the type of gross thing that is so gross but you just can't help looking at it.  It's the gross thing that is just like eugh, get out of my face and out of my memory.  So bad.
Yeah so I took that downstairs and left it on the counter.  My mum cleaned it.  Lol.  If I was living alone I would've just thrown the cups and everything touching it into the garbage bin.  So damn disgusting.  Well, I don't know what she did with it, maybe she threw it as well.  But I supposed I can't ever drink from those cups again.  Fml.  Well not really fml, but just so gross.
My room is a mess.  I haven't started writing the essay that is a substitute.  It was due Friday and now I want to hand it in on Monday before 6pm so I don't accrue even more than two late marks.  I suck.  And I have work tomorrow...  I'm so bad at work.  I'm just so bad at what I'm supposed to do.  Oh fuck, I am going to fail all my exams.  I can feel it.  I told my mum I want caffeine pills.  She said no...  I must pull an all-nighter on Sunday.  Otherwise I won't be able to start studying for my exams.  Oh I am going to fail.  
Lol my parents are trying to talk to me right now.  My dad bought me some stuff for my dry skin, oh it's so dry.  It's literally like vaseline that he's bought me.  Lol my dad's telling my mum that his brother, I think, had a baby and for her to congratulate them or something.  She's like go away, you're disturbing everyone.  Because I'm supposed to be studying right now.  I think she's like, I'm not going to, because they didn't congratulate her?  I don't know. Oh right, it's because they had a baby boy.  And my parents didn't have a boy.  My mum's like, I'm the only one who didn't have a boy, what can I do...  Lol.  I don't even know.  Kind of depressing really.  Oh well.  Oh well.  Oh well...
Eugh I think they wanted me to be a boy.  Oh well.  Eugh, I think I would've made a particularly ugly boy.  I don't know, it's much easier for a girl to improve their looks with makeup but for boys, it's au naturale.  Meh.  I wonder how I would be if were a boy.
Anyway, I should try and get back to my essay which I haven't done.  I haven't even read the articles yet.  Fuck.
Cya all,
Just Another Woo Girl

Thursday, June 6

Today I saw my future self


Today, in fact I think even maybe this very second as I sit on the train defeated, I’ve seen my future self. I mean maybe face wise. It’s not good. My face has deteriorated and can no longer hold itself up. My eyes are puffy. I don’t want to get old. More specifically, old and ugly. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with getting old. Of course except that I’d rather be young forever. But I think we can all agree that me and my features will my withstand the test of time. And as they all say, Asians deteriorate at an increasingly steep rate all of a sudden. There are heaps of attractive old, and I mean grannies out there whose features still seem to peer thought the wrinkles and sagginess. I, however, have a dire future ahead of me. Oh my god. Seriously, I don’t think I want to live if everyday I have to see myself with wrinkles and slowly watch my youth seep slowly from my being. As if everyday I were to wake up and know that another little source of myself is gone forever.
Obviously this is a rather extreme and superficial outlook on life. But let me be clear, this is only how I see life in the far future from this very moment. It’s almost impossible that I will keep this perspective as I continue to mature and grow, my mind that is.
Why can’t I have it all? I watched some interviews of Aaron Johnson on YouTube and wow he has aged. But he’s still young, he’s supposed to be around 22 or something. But he’s got all crowd feet around his eyes. And yes, crows feet are from smiling a lot but, how? Is his wife sucking the youth out of him? Ah yes, that is quite cruel of me and I can try and suppress these superficial thoughts but no matter what, I think it anyway which means there’s no point trying to hide it from everyone. The only reason you would hide thoughts like these is to prevent people from thinking badly about you, that’s self preservation and image issues. But then that can decay your relationships so really, I should keep things like that to myself. But in my defence, everyone is thinking it and they said it about Britney Spears and Madonna…so yeah.
Also the lady who I thought could be my future self was chomping down on a sushi in a single bite. I don’t do this but…I probably would if I was by myself. It’s like how I don’t eat my pork roll unless I’m by myself or with people who I don’t care what they think. That didn’t really make sense but my brain is hurting right now…
It was also awkwardly hot today. It’s winter now and I’m wearing a long sleeve chiffon shirt with a short sleeves sweater over with my anorak. I stepped out of the door today and immediately it was hot. But I didn’t have time to go back and was half an hour late to my lecture anyway…. I don’t even know. I can’t even deal with this sociology essay even though its a substitute. This is bad. I really can’t find any good articles. Not even good, relevant articles!!!!!!!!
I’m tired.
Bye,
Just Another Woo Girl